The conversation about work-related stress often starts earlier than you think

"Many managers feel uncomfortable raising a sign of stress or a sensitive issue. As a result, they sometimes wait too long. But for a conversation like this, you really only need one thing: genuine interest in how someone is really doing. If you approach the conversation with curiosity, based on what you see or hear, you are unlikely to get it wrong." 

Changes are often the first sign 

Stress usually does not develop overnight. Often, changes in behaviour, energy levels or performance can be noticed first. For example, an employee may withdraw more often during meetings, make more mistakes or seem less engaged than before. This does not necessarily mean that someone is experiencing stress, but it is a sign to pay attention to. 

According to Monique, managers often notice these changes earlier than they realise. "A change does not automatically mean that someone is overloaded. But it is a good moment to ask how they are doing. By having that conversation early, you get a better understanding of what is going on and can prevent signs from going unnoticed." 

Start with what you observe 

A common pitfall is that managers immediately try to explain what is happening. According to Monique, it is better to stick to concrete observations. "If you say, 'I think you're under a lot of stress', you're already making an assumption about the other person. Instead, describe what you see. For example, that someone has become quieter during meetings or seems to be finding certain tasks more difficult. Then ask how they experience it themselves." 

Starting with observations rather than assumptions creates more space for an open conversation, without judgement or preconceived ideas. 

Even if an employee says that nothing is wrong, the conversation does not necessarily have to end there. "You don't need to convince someone that there is a problem," says Monique. "You can simply explain which changes you have noticed and that this is why you are asking the question. This shows that you are paying attention and keeps the door open for a conversation at a later stage if they need it." 

Even if nothing happens at that point, the employee will at least know that there is space to talk about what is going on at a later stage. 

Listen first, then look for solutions 

Many managers genuinely want to help their employees and therefore quickly move into problem-solving mode. Yet a good conversation does not start with advice, but with listening. Open questions can help you understand what is on someone's mind and where the biggest challenges lie. Questions such as "What are you struggling with at the moment?", "What is taking up most of your energy?" or "What would help you manage your workload better?" often provide more insight than immediately looking for a solution. 

"We often think we need to solve something straight away. But employees usually need understanding first. Once it is clear what is going on, you can look together at what kind of support or solution would be appropriate." 

Listening, summarising and asking follow-up questions not only provide greater insight, but also help build trust. And that trust is often the foundation for a follow-up conversation if one is needed. 

Look at the bigger picture 

Perceived workload regularly plays a role in stress-related symptoms, but there is rarely one clear cause. Events outside work can also affect how much someone is able to cope with. 

"As a manager, you don't need to solve someone's personal problems. But it helps to be curious about the wider context. Sometimes the main cause is work-related, while in other cases several factors are at play at the same time. The better you understand the bigger picture, the better you can think along with someone about what they need." 

This could mean temporarily changing working days, adjusting tasks, setting clear priorities or simply offering more understanding and space. 

Attention makes the difference 

According to Monique, managers do not need to worry about having the perfect conversation. "Employees usually don't expect a ready-made solution. What often means a lot already is knowing that someone is paying attention to what is going on and asking how they are really doing." 

That is why stress-aware leadership does not start with absence, but much earlier. By taking signs seriously and having conversations at an early stage, managers can create space to explore together what is needed to help employees stay healthy and able to work. In the end, the conversation itself is often more important than having the perfect answer.